Can You Save Me Now?
by mioneshipper
Summary: Harry is struggling to keep himself and Draco, sane due to Draco's heavy depression. He wants to help the love of his life forget the past but is beginning to feel at a loss himself. Self-harm. Suicide/attempt mention. May be triggering.
1. The Beginning of the End

The first chapter of my first ever posted Drarry!

I hope you enjoy and please review as I need to know whether to continue or not and need your thoughts. A very oppressive subject matter and may be triggering so warning. Here it is!

Harry rubbed his raw temples, massaging and soothing, hoping to vanish the headache sizzling at his nerves. A minute tear escaped his plump red eyes as he pressed them too, exhausted from the late nights. Draco was now more distraught and melancholic than ever and all Harry could do was sit and watch. Harry had seen Draco dismal before. He had seen him a hollow shell and he'd seen him observe the raging waves of the ocean as an inviting blackness willing to swallow him hole. Harry was able to deal with most things, the lingering look Draco gave to knives like some men would a woman, the scars shining like marble on Draco's self destructed skin, even the drug abuse; but not this. Harry rested his eyes, half open, concentrating and staring at Draco who sat across the bedroom in a lump on the floor. His shirtsleeves were covered in blood, so were his hands. So were Harry's but he couldn't smell the thick iron like substance anymore. Draco was asleep. His slow breathing, inhaling then gently exhaling calmed Harry, acting as soft music to his ears and watching him sleep was a quiet relief. He wanted to talk to him, ask him how he could help but waking him would only throttle Harry's immense anxiety back to life. After a minute more of thinking, the anxious agony returned by it's own accord and Harry needed to hear Draco speak. Words from that crimson mouth seemed a sweet alleviation from the dragging panic in Harry's chest.

"Draco." He whispered, his voice a dirty croak. Draco continued to doze. He swallowed the rock like lump in his scratchy throat.

"Draco."

The lost boy on the floor stirred and tried to lift his head but dangled it from his neck with the effort. His eyes didn't open. Harry stood then, pulling himself up from the bed and kneeling before his boyfriend.

"Draco do you remember who I am?"

Harry already knew the answer to the question but waited for a reply. Draco's eyelids squirmed and then slowly shook open. His desolate eyes bore into Harry's and he nodded, giving his first response and then allowing his head to droop almost back to the way it was before.

"Then look into my eyes - " Harry hesitated for a reaction and when Draco squinted it was more than enough – "and tell me that you're coming to bed."

Draco froze. Harry's insides crawled and his limbs turned to ice, afraid that he had triggered something. When Draco shifted his arms numbly to his lap and stared at the drying blood and thin cuts Harry examined his face carefully.

"It's okay Draco, you're not weak." He stated matter-of-factly.

Draco lifted his head almost effortlessly then with a look that needed no words.

"I'm not lying to you." Harry said with more conviction.

Draco turned his head to the side but Harry sat next to him.

"What can I do to help?" Harry asked calmly, calmer than he had ever expected to sound. Draco shook his head like a drunk, his blonde hair waving over his face. Harry bushed it back, watching Draco's every movement and then deciding.

"I'm going to help you up and we're going to the bathroom to clean you up."

Draco ignored him but Harry was sure he heard. Harry stood, hooked both arms under Draco's and was now face to face with him.

"You need to help me." Harry whispered lovingly to him. Draco's legs moved inch by inch at first, testing the ground and then began to struggle to stand, Harry pulled him upwards. When he was almost upright Harry moved around to his side and wrapped a safe arm around his rib cage.

"It won't take long." Harry promised.


	2. The Unfortunate Start

**This story is a long one and I began at present and now we must rewind to see what caused Harry and Draco's life and love.**

**7 years ago.**

**When it all began.**

Draco Malfoy's footsteps resonated through the empty halls of Hogwarts, late at night. He was fully dressed in his customary black suit, making his way to the Griffindor common room with a smug smile on his face. Hermione had asked to see him again and after they're recent passionate encounter he wasn't surprised that she wanted more. Draco half swaggered his way along the final part of corridor to the common room and when he reached the portrait, Hermione was waiting outside. Draco stopped short in front of her, smiling charmingly.

"I was surprised you hadn't asked me back earlier Granger." He purred.

"Not now Draco" she said firmly "But you do need to come in."

Draco eyed her curiously and nodded, guessing it must be important. Once Hermione knew he was compliant she faced the portrait and without mumbling a word it opened. Draco followed Hermione in, wondering why on earth the Fat Lady had such a sympathetic look on her face. When the door had closed and they were alone in the fire lit common room, Hermione faced him.

"You should sit." She mumbled, looking to the floor.

"Would you please tell me what's going on?" he sneered, sitting on one of the large red sofas. Hermione sat next to him.

"Look Draco - " she exploded " - the night we had a few weeks ago was nothing more than a once off, we agreed that, but I haven't been feeling well recently and at first I thought it was the flu but then I wasn't sure so I looked it up in the library and thought – "

"Could you get to the point?" Draco asked hesitantly.

Hermione looked him in the eyes momentarily and nodded understandably.

"Yes sorry, I'm babbling." Hermione stopped herself. "What I'm trying to say is, I took a test earlier and…Draco I'm pregnant."

Silence. Draco's eyebrows slowly formed a frown and shaking his head he began to smile in doubt.

"No. No it must be a mistake. I mean you can't be, I used a charm." His disbelieving smile turned to honest concern.

"I promise, believe me, I've checked three times." She said grimly.

"And are you sure it's mine?" asked Draco, slightly frantic.

"Yes, I haven't slept with anyone else."

Draco's eyebrows rose is gradual shock. He sat back, resting his elbow on the forearm of the sofa.

"Draco I'm not going to get rid of this baby…just so you know." She said timidly "I want to keep it."

Draco nodded at the floor, he wouldn't really of expected her to do otherwise.

"Are you alright? I mean, as alright as you can be?"

Draco smiled faintly.

"My father" he whispered.

Hermione nodded, extremely considerate of his situation. She'd met Lucius the odd time before and he never seemed a pleasant man.

"I know Draco, I know." She said, grimacing.

"Is that why the portrait let you out so late?" he asked suddenly, sounding surprised.

"Well yes, I had to tell her otherwise she'd have a screaming fit for me being out of bed."

"Won't she tell someone?"

"She promised not to mention it. Everyone will know soon enough anyway."

"Yes I suppose they will." He said, thinking of what was coming.

Hermione and Draco were extremely reserved in conversation for the next minute or two; nothing was heard but the crackling of the undying fire. Both teenagers stared in one direction or the other, trying to decide what to do next.

"It'll be okay in the end." Hermione croaked eventually, trying not to cry.

Draco looked at the girl and realised that she too was suffering and probably the most. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in to him.

"I know Hermione."

An hour or so passed and Draco finally ambled back from the portrait into the empty halls of Hogwarts. Hermione had had time to think about what they were going to do next and thought it best if she told her parents and he didn't tell his. After all with everything going on in his family and who his family was they decided it for the best. They'd try and figure someway to protect their secret. As well as this Hermione was to tell Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore in the morning, Draco accompanying her if he liked. Draco didn't have to tell anyone if he didn't wish to but Hermione had said she was going to tell her three best friends, Harry, Ron and Ginny, no matter how heavily they would take it. She promised that he wouldn't be made subject to ridicule for it, if she had anything to do with it, although she thought they most likely wouldn't. Well Ginny anyway. Draco agreed.

Draco was now on his way to the prefects bathroom, almost running in pace. Hermione's plans swam quickly through his head and soon his whole life was flashing before him. Draco held back an inevitable dry sob and ran the last yard to the prefects bathroom. He paced hurriedly to the farthest corner and sat, curled up in himself and began to cry.

He was in the middle of a mission, a mission from _Voldemort_. To _kill _his headmaster or his own neck was on the line; and now _this_. Draco wept pitifully. His future was decided; there was nothing he could do about it. He was going to be a father. Large sobs left Draco and he ran a hand through his thin blonde hair as they echoed around the cold room. He had three choices now. To die or to murder or to spend the rest of his life playing happy families with someone he didn't love and knew he never could. It may have seemed bitter of him to think this but the thing was, Draco was _gay_.


	3. Excitement

Draco sat alone in the Griffindor common room on one of the red sofas, waiting for Hermione. It was the early hours of the morning and she had promised to set an alarm to come see him. The portrait, knowing everything, let him in willingly but with a fair warning that she knew he'd learnt his lesson. He waited, frustrated with the stubborn portrait but his annoyance had long faded before anyone reached the common room. A long time had passed and Draco was slouched, almost indented into the couch. When his eyelids fluttered boldly and he began to loose consciousness, there was a faint creaking behind him. Bolting upright Draco looked bewilderedly around to see Harry Potter staring awkwardly at him in his pyjamas.

"Draco. What are you doing here?" he asked, calmer than Draco had expected.

"I was waiting for Hermione." He replied groggily, his eyes half open and staring.

Harry glanced back to the stairs of the girl's dormitories.

"She must have forgotten to put on her alarm." Draco half mumbled, shifting uncomfortable in his seat. Harry stood uneasily at the entrance to the common room, nodding. Both boys stayed silent and still then, never making eye contact.

"So you're going to be a dad." Harry said sternly, as if reminding Draco of his duties and questioning his loyalty to the situation. Draco sighed heavily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Indeed Potter."

Deciding that perhaps Draco didn't need interrogating, Harry moved over to the sofa and sat the farthest he could from the other boy.

"It'll be fine." He muttered after a moment.

Draco looked up then, confusion imposing his face. Harry glanced up at him momentarily and then away, embarrassed. A new energy filled the gap between them and Draco felt almost magnetised to the other boy. Harry continued, staring at the plump cushions on the couch.

"From what Hermione has told me about how you're going about it. It sounds like you'll both be fine."

Another long pause and a heavy tension loaded the room and Draco cleared his throat feebly.

"I better get back to my dorms." He rose from the couch.

Harry looked up at him, his eyes wide and innocent with something Draco couldn't recognise.

"Oh, ok. Well I'll see you later then." Harry smiled weakly. Draco was glued momentarily, perplexed by Harry's oddness. The he gave a quick bob of his head and strode tiredly to the painting. Harry got to his feet as well, heading for the dormitories.

"Harry?"

He jumped; swirling around to see Draco hadn't left.

"Yes?" he replied apprehensively.

"Why did you come down tonight?"

Harry opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. His lips pursed gently and then opened and slammed closed again in a quick movement.

"I can't seem to remember." He let out a humoured huff and aiming to give Draco a smile, grimaced. The boys parted ways then without another word to echo around the laden room, bound to set off more unnecessary awkwardness.

**The Next Morning.**

Draco sauntered casually into the Great Hall for lunch, ignoring per usual the nattering voices of other students around him. He dropped onto the bench at the Slytherin table and scanned the array of food for something to eat.

"Draco." Interrupted Blaise as Draco tried to decide what to have.

"Yes Blaise?" he asked, impartial to Blaise's disruption.

"Why is Potter staring at you?"

Draco's head snapped up then and as he gave a quick look to the Griffindor table, Harry's gaze averted elsewhere. But Blaise's accusation was not incorrect.

"I don't know." Draco shrugged, unable to come up with an excuse.

He peered back to the rivals' table from beneath his eyelashes at an angle, wary of Blaise's suspiciousness. Harry was now slowly pushing food around his plate melancholically and Draco pondered the reasoning. He examined Harry's every movement closely, as if sitting across from him.

"Draco." Blaise snapped, transporting him back to the Slytherin table.

"Yes?" he asked innocently, a sharp edge to his tone.

"Why are _you_ staring at _Potter_?"

"Because _he_ needs to learn not to stare." He replied snidely, finding this lie easier than before.

"He looks about ready to jump from the astronomy tower." Added Pansy, rudely yet not surprisingly eavesdropping from three seats down the table. Draco felt himself jump to defend Harry but held back.

"True." He said, mimicking a contented smile.

"Wonder what's got his useless wand in a knot."

Draco shrugged absentmindedly, tearing his eyes from the neighbouring table.

**Nine months later.**

Draco was standing lazily in potions, leaning against a storage cupboard as his bewitched stirring rod mixed together his burning concoction. His eyes were rested on the thick bubbling, blackening liquid in the rusting cauldron and his mind on the task he had at hand. The vanishing cabinet was fixed, for now and tonight the Death Eaters would enter the castle He was paying no attention to the notes Snape's chalk scribbled onto the black board as it fluttered restlessly or to Harry, who was walking towards him anxiously.

"Draco." He whispered pointedly.

Draco's head lifted mechanically, his eyes following suit. He snapped out of his trance like boredom once he realised Harry Potter was standing expectantly before him.

"Yes – Potter." He replied startled, mentally noting that Harry had called him Draco rather than Malfoy and feeling slightly rude and disagreeable for calling him Potter. However, Harry took no notice.

"Come up to the Astronomy Tower, after this class." Harry stared at him patiently, eyes wide and gleaming. Without questioning Draco nodded and Harry couldn't help but smile dopily at him. When a Slytherin passed Harry and joined Draco at the table, Harry composed his face and continued walking. Draco watched him leave, frowning to himself.

Class was dismissed and Draco gathered up his books and vanished his potion. When he looked around to find Harry, he was already gone. Wrought with anticipation and an itching excitement Draco gripped his books tightly and rushed to the astronomy tower, ready for whatever would come his way. Thinking only of Harry, Draco climbed the long staircase to the tower, hopping two steps at a time and breaking into a sweat. When he made it to the top and his robes were tangled around him in a mess, he stepped weakly onto the last step and looked around, spotting two figures at the edge of the balcony. He strode quickly forward and was greeted by Dumbledore first.

"Ah, Draco. You came quicker than I had expected, but no matter."

Draco focused from the aging wizard to Harry who stood more sullen and focused than before.

"Harry helpfully informed you to come here as Ms. Granger has gone into labour."

Draco's eyes widened and his mind lost all coherent formations of words.

"Yes, Yes how wonderful it is. Now I will apparate you to St. Mungo's Hospital while Harry here waits for me. "

Ignoring the news and plans for the night being laid out for him, Draco considered what this would mean. The man of an odd one hundred and fifty years was meant to be murdered tonight and by Draco himself, but instead he was helpfully transporting Draco to the birth of his baby.

"If you'll take my arm." Dumbledore mused, his eyes twinkling as he held out a hooked length of robe.

Draco stepped sheepishly forward and wrapped his arm around the headmasters and with a crack they had disappeared.

Draco was sitting in St. Mungo's hospital, the maternity ward, taking slow deep breaths. It was the early hours of the morning and he could hear Hermione's screams, as they reverberated to him, from her room a small way down the corridor. He wasn't in there with her for the soul reason that her mother was there, along with Madame Pomfrey. Plus he didn't know if he could handle it. When her yells had subsided for a few minutes Draco began to worry, pacing impatiently the length of the waiting room. It was extremely awkward and uncomfortable, waiting with Hermione's father and Draco wanted it all to be over, soon. His pacing was intermitted when a beaming Mrs. Granger stepped out into the hall and walked towards him. Draco had no words, his mouth was dry and in any case what should he say? _'Well?' _

Hermione's father stood and Mrs. Granger gave him an ecstatic look. She placed her hands on either of Draco's upper arms.

"You can go in now."

Draco nodded wearily and walked with her, legs like jelly, a young lamb walking for the first time. Draco rounded into the small room and stopped, admiring the sight before him. Hermione sat partly upright in the hospital bed grinning down at a small bundle of blankets in her arms. Draco swallowed and paced up to the bed slowly. Hermione looked up at him and smiled warmly, like nothing bad could ever happen again. Draco looked at the bundles face, it had big red, plump cheeks and looked more precious than anything he'd ever seen.

"It's a girl." said Hermione, glowing with pride.

Draco let out an overwhelmed breath of air as a large and uncontrollable smile grew across his face.

Harry struggled uselessly against the stiffening curse as Snape cast the killing curse and the man he had known to be a mentor drifted from the balcony.


End file.
